Riker's Holiday
by Musino
Summary: This is the sad, woeful tale of the day Riker was given control of the bridge...


This is a very wrong Star Trek: TNG fic, seen as it was never meant to be seen, with a nod to Stargate SG-1 ...hey, how do you know Gene Roddenberry didn't leave Star Trek to me in his will?...fine, they aren't my characters. :)

Yes, this is in script format; sorry to those who don't like it, but...shove it! ;)

--On the bridge, in orbit around Ziffy78; Riker has command while Picard is having a tea party in his ready room—

Data: Sir, a ship just decloaked over the planet.

Riker: Onscreen! (strikes dramatic pose)

--All of a sudden, a large circle appears in front of the viewer, holding a rippling pool of...something! Four people step out of it—

Riker: Hey! You guys are blocking my view!

Jack (to Troi): Hey there, haven't we met somewhere before?

Worf: Should I go to red alert, sir? (after no response, he does)

Teal'c: Brother? (he and Worf meet on the ramp up to his post and hug in an obviously awkward embrace)

Worf: Nice little tattoo you got there.

Teal'c: Nice plastic surgery.

Data: I am confused.

Sam: Yay! I get to talk! (dramatic pause) (to Riker) Sorry, sir, it appears we dialed the wrong stargate. (walks over to ops—"excuse me, sir"—and dials the stargate back; as they reenter it, Picard walks out of his ready room, with a slight wobble to his step and a tea tray in hand)

Picard: Tea, any—Tasha? (hands Data the tray and runs after Sam as the stargate disappears, thudding into the main viewer) Ow.

--Troi and Riker snicker to each other—

Riker:...right...about that ship, Data?

Data: On main viewer, sir.

Riker: Oh, right. Captain? Could you move?

Worf: Standing down red alert. (no one notices)

Picard: Oh, right. (walks away) Picard to Bev- Dr. Crusher.

Crusher: Not now, Jean-Luc, I'm operating. I know, I know, we're going to the holodeck after dinner tonight, I haven't forgotten, and then-

Picard (blushes): No, Beverly, it's not that...(trails off as he runs into his ready room; camera follows) I'm feeling kind of dizzy, I'm coming down.

Crusher: No, not now-

Picard: Picard out. (walks quickly from his ready room to the adjacent turbolift) If you need me, I'll be in sick bay.

Riker nods; when the doors close, everyone on the bridge laughs like there's no tomorrow—even Data tries a few chuckles, then calms.

Data: Sir, about the Romulan vessel—

Riker: Who cares. Worf, tell them to go away or we'll shove a photon up their ass.

Worf: Aye, sir.

Riker: Hey, Data, how about some tea?

Data realizes he's still holding the pink tea tray.

Data: Sir, it seems to contain an alcohol of some sort as well as the tea.

Riker: Ah, that's why he's so tipsy, he laced it. I always wondered what Earl Grey meant. (takes a pink tea cup for Deanna, then one for himself, downing his in a single gulp) Ahh, that's good -hic- tea.

Worf: Sir, the Romulan vessel has shown no response.

Riker: Hmm...try it again. (the computer issues random chirps, clearly irritated)

Worf: Sir, there is still no response.

Riker (shouting): SHOVE IT!

Worf: Yessss!!! I mean...aye.

(Romulan ship explodes into itsy bitsy pieces)

Troi: Will...(she massages her forhead gently) the loss of life...it's...so wasteful.

Riker: Aww, the Borg would have gotten them anyway. (takes another cup of tea) Well, what should we do next?

Everyone looks at each other and shrugs.

Riker: How does Risa sound?

Everyone applauds loudly.

Riker: Wes, I want to be at Risa in time for the sunset. How fast can you get me there?

Crusher: Well, at warp 8, I can get you there in five hours, which would be three hours after sunset.

Riker: Well then go to maximum warp!

Crusher: But-

Data: Sir-

Riker: Shut up and go!

Crusher pushes a few random buttons, and they shoot off. Troi smiles. Riker's com beeps.

LaForge: LaForge to Bridge; I don't know what you guys just did, but the warp coil just overloaded. We have to evacuate all of engineering. Thanks a lot.

Riker: Sorry, Geordi, but don't you think Risa's more important that a trivial matter than that?

LaForge: ...no?

Riker: -psh- Well then, he's not invited.

--two hours later—

Most of the non-senior staff and their families are on Risa, watching the sunset; Picard and Beverly are watching it from a cabin on the beach, as are Riker and Troi on the opposite side of the water, and Geordi is left in the Brig on the Enterprise with Data to bring him meals. And Wesley? Poor Wesley. He's on guard duty, in case the Borg, the Romulans, the Ziffy78-ans, or Star Fleet Command come a-knocking.


End file.
